Triple Consciousness

The intersection of Blackness, Patriotism, and Christianity

I am a Black man who lives in the United States of America. I am also a Christian who believes the Bible. The murder of George Floyd has caused, for me, a collision of these three identities that often leaves me in pain.

What is Triple Consciousness?

W. E. B Du Bois coined the term Double Consciousness in his 1903 publication, “The Souls of Black Folk,” to describe the unique experience of Black Americans.

Essentially, it is the idea that Black people are often rejected by American society at large, causing us to identify as Black and American separately.

I believe this is true for me. I also believe that my strong position as a Christian further complicates this phenomenon for me. Sometimes I feel like I have to identify as Black, American, and Christian separately but all at once at the same time.

During times like this, that hurts. I’ve come to experience what I am calling Triple Consciousness.

I am a Black man

I am Black. I love that about myself. I was taught to love my Black skin by my strong, Black mother. For that I am thankful. Even while living in a place that does not value my Blackness, it is one of my favorite things about myself. My wife is Black and so are our four kids.

My children read books to affirm their Blackness. Books like Princess Truly about a world-traveling, fun-loving, smart, intelligent Black girl. Books like Mia Mayhem, a powerful Black superhero with every power you can imagine. Books like Brown Boy, Brown Boy to imagine all the things a Black boy can grow up to be.

My wife and I read books to understand and digest and affirm our Blackness. Being Black in my home is something desirable and easy to be. We have designed it that way.

When I write the word “Black” referring to a person or group of people, I always make sure to capitalize the word. I do so because that word is larger than me. I do so because the word and the people it represents are important to me. I do so because Black is a term that describes me. Suffice it to say that Blackness is important to me.

I hold several beliefs that are extremely challenging to discuss but even more challenging to hold alongside my identity as an American Christian.

For example, I believe (brace yourself and don’t run away just yet) that all white people are racists. Now if you’ve read any of Robin DiAngelo’s work this may not sting as much for you but trust me, I know this is jarring for many people. This is why I normally keep this to myself. I believe this because I’ve seen it to be true. I also think about racism differently than I ever have and agree with people like Robin DiAngelo when she says “We have to stop thinking about racism as someone who says the n-word.” DiAngelo, in her book, White Fragility challenges all people but especially white people, to define racism differently. From this reading, we come to understand that racism is a system rather than a racial slur or even the murder of an innocent Black man. Racism is a web of actions, ideologies, laws, histories, and attitudes. The short of this is that white people established and built that system so knowingly or unknowingly white people contribute to a racist system every time they access their own privilege or are given the benefit of the doubt or pass up a person of color for a promotion even if they truly may be more qualified.

I hold this belief and I know it is triggering and challenging. But I believe it. The challenges don't stop here either.

I also believe that integration has ultimately been damaging to the Black community. Please read me clearly here. I believe that all people should be able to live together in diverse communities in harmony. I really do believe that.

When I say that integration was damaging I mean it. Integration coincided with the destruction of Black businesses, schools, churches, and homes. This happened because we tried to legislate change rather than changing hearts. Forcing racists to legally allow Black people to be in the same spaces and jobs and life created more of a reason for people to continue building a system with even more barriers to keep Black people from feeling equal. So the heart and the spirit of integration is wonderful and good, but the execution was not. It created another reason for racist white America to find new ways to establish supremacy over Black people.

I am a Black man. I am proud of that. I believe things about race that are not easy to reconcile with the rest of me because I am also an American and a Christian.

I am American even when I don’t like it

I was born in the United States of America. There are a few days during the year that I am really proud of that because there are times when this country makes me proud.

I recognize that the many freedoms we enjoy here are not widely available in every country around the world. This is where I call home and there is a privilege and even power that comes with that.

I am an American. I am grateful to be an American but not always proud of it.

Right now, I don’t like that. Because here in America, unarmed Black men like me are sometimes murdered by the police. And when the police execute us, the media tries to justify our death with our missteps because they know dead men cannot argue.

I could have been George Floyd or Eric Garner or Trayvon Martin. I could be a hashtag one day. I’ve been falsely accused of a crime and nearly arrested. I’ve been pulled over to be questioned by cops about the ownership of my car or because there were “reports of drugs in the area.”

Often times my Blackness collides with my identity as American. Because I live in a racist system I feel constant rejection. I feel otherized. I don’t feel like I belong. So I cling tight to my Blackness while forcibly shoving my American pride behind me.

I stopped being surprised by racism directed towards me when I was about twelve years old. I finally stopped being infuriated by racism last year. I am not proud of our nation’s history. When it comes to Black people, the history of the United States has been all about using, dehumanizing, separating, and destroying us. So yes, there are many days when I am not proud to be an American.

Above all else, I am a son

There are times when I let myself believe that Blackness is the most important aspect of my identity. But I know better. Because I have seen and heard too much.

I know that above all else, I am a son of God.

I am a Christian. I believe the Bible. I believe God. I have seen the things of the Bible up close and personal. So I know that the God of the Bible is real and alive and living inside of me.

Here is where all of the triple consciousness comes from for me.

When I see police murder my people and I see protests and riots and when I feel the hatred in my heart bubble up for police and sometimes for white people in general, I know that is not from God. I also know that, because Jesus didn’t hate people, that I do not want to hate people.

God loves white people which means he loves racists.

Racism is America’s original sin and that is infuriating. It is painful. It is maddening to think about.

Racism is America’s original sin perpetrated by white people against me and my wife and my children.

The Black Theologian, James Cone, in his book, The Cross and the Lynching Tree, points out that you cannot understand the crucifixion of Jesus unless you understand what it was like for Black people to be lynched. I don’t draw the same conclusions as Cone on everything but here is my early takeaway from his book:

God loves humanity so much that He put Himself on a cross to cover America’s original sin.

That means that on that cross, Jesus felt all of the pain from every lynching that hadn’t happened yet. He felt the sting of a firehose and the ripping skin from dogs ripping the flesh of peaceful Black protestors. He felt the breath leaving George Floyd’s body on that cross.

I believe that. I believe it with my Blackness and with my American identity.

It is not comfortable. I don’t have all the answers (or any answers really). But I am here trying to navigate this all just like you are.

This is my offering.

I’m triple conscious.